Neither is urgent, but I figured that I should finally start getting these minor issues taken care of before I begin working full-time; bye-bye, undergrad vacation schedule. I saw two periodontists and one dermatologist in the past two weeks. Without going into my entire medical history, I have a couple of concerning moles, and a tooth around which my gums are crazy high up thanks to six years of orthodontia and several oral surgeries.
My boyfriend and I were driving in the car after going out for some Thai food, and I was staring out the window. Spotted. I don’t usually do this; I talk, sing, and dance in cars. When he asked what’s wrong, I said “nothing” because that’s what you always say when your boyfriend asks you what’s wrong and something is wrong. I felt silly; it was just gums and moles, and they are not much different than they have been the past few years. “Angry? Tired? Sad?” he gently pressed. I knew he’d never stop so I squeaked out the pathetic truth.
“I just don’t feel that pretty anymore,” I said.
With each physician probe and prod, I had started to give an unreasonable amount of attention to minor areas of my body that they were eagerly consumed with fixing. Over the course of two weeks, I’d unknowingly let my focus shift away from God. Hyper-focused on the details, I started to feel bad about how I look and lose focus of who God says I am. I overlooked the fact that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made by the creator of the universe, and the physical features of mine that I love: my bright, blue eyes; strong body; big smile; and “bun head” (aka head that looks good with hair in a bun).
I don’t know what it is for you, but I know how easy it is to tell yourself a false “truth.” I also know that even though something may bother you or excite some medical specialists in pursuit of perfect bodily order, the whole world isn’t focusing on it.
After we talked, Devin grabbed my hand and we headed up the hill to the library. I was still mentally stuck on “fixing” myself, but God interrupted me. As I took each step, it came into fuller view. He had caught my eye with a gorgeous orange sunset that washed over the lawn. He painted this portrait before my eyes as if to ask, “How could you think that you aren’t pretty, that I would take any less care in shaping you, my child, than this one sunset? Ephesians 2:10 confirms that we are God’s masterpieces, created to do good things that he planned for us.
In that moment, it was as if God said, “Here I am. See the big picture. Fix your eyes on my beauty and greatness, on my unconditional love for you. Lift your eyes off of you and onto me.” I heard Him loud and clear, and you know what, I feel a lot better. This is the key to beauty: lift your eyes off of you, and onto Him. As things change or as things stay the same, give yourself grace and God thanks, and choose to focus on the real truth—His goodness, His beauty, and His mission.
Thanks for climbing! Would love to hear your thoughts.